{"product_id":"battle-of-814-dont-scare-the-straights","title":"Battle of 814 - Don't Scare the Straights","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"0\" data-end=\"183\"\u003eAt Waffle Haus, everybody’s welcome.\u003cbr data-start=\"36\" data-end=\"39\"\u003eTruckers. Night-shift nurses. Off-duty cops. Traveling salesmen. Retired Marines. Elves. Orcs. One particularly judgmental lich from Amarillo.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"185\" data-end=\"285\"\u003eAs long as everybody behaves themselves and remembers the house rules, things usually stay peaceful.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"287\" data-end=\"295\"\u003eUsually.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"297\" data-end=\"628\"\u003eThis decal captures the exact moment Senior WHISSC Operative and Waffle Haus Sheriff \u003cstrong data-start=\"382\" data-end=\"409\"\u003eAloysius Q. Fortenberry\u003c\/strong\u003e gently reminds two heavily armed regulars not to “scare the straights” while an entire Orc warband pounds on the windows outside. Because around here, operational security matters.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"630\" data-end=\"892\"\u003eSee, most customers at Waffle Haus only \u003cem data-start=\"670\" data-end=\"676\"\u003elook\u003c\/em\u003e human while they’re on the premises. That biker at the counter? Probably a dwarf. That skater kid in the corner? Gnome. That terrifying woman in yoga pants screaming at the jukebox? Almost certainly Orcish nobility.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"894\" data-end=\"923\"\u003eIt’s all part of the glamour.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"925\" data-end=\"1057\"\u003eBut every now and then somebody forgets the rules, drops the illusion, and suddenly the normals start asking awkward questions like:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1058\" data-end=\"1258\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1058\" data-end=\"1107\"\u003e“Why does the cook suddenly have glowing eyes?”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1108\" data-end=\"1151\"\u003e“Why is that goblin carrying a Mossberg?”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1152\" data-end=\"1209\"\u003e“Did that waitress just hypnotize the local news crew?”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1210\" data-end=\"1258\"\u003e“Why is there a trebuchet in the parking lot?”\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1260\" data-end=\"1291\"\u003eThat’s where Aloysius comes in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1293\" data-end=\"1480\"\u003eArmed with nothing but a spatula, raw contempt, and decades of experience de-escalating supernatural nonsense at 3:00 AM, Sheriff Fortenberry keeps the peace one hashbrown bowl at a time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1482\" data-end=\"1494\"\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1495\" data-end=\"1734\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1495\" data-end=\"1527\"\u003eFans of Siege of Waffle Haus\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1528\" data-end=\"1569\"\u003eMonster Hunters International readers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1570\" data-end=\"1614\"\u003eFirst responders and night-shift goblins\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1615\" data-end=\"1734\"\u003eAnyone who’s ever looked around a Waffle House at 2:17 AM and thought, \u003cem data-start=\"1688\" data-end=\"1734\"\u003e“There’s no way all these people are human.”\u003c\/em\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1736\" data-end=\"1839\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eWaffle Haus\u003cbr data-start=\"1747\" data-end=\"1750\"\u003eScattered. Smothered. Covered.\u003cbr data-start=\"1780\" data-end=\"1783\"\u003eAnd under strict interdimensional concealment protocols.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eVinyl.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: 3″ × 4″ (7. 6 × 10. 2 cm), 4″ × 6″ (10. 2 × 15. 2 cm), 6″ × 8″ (15. 2 × 20. 3 cm), 8″ × 10″ (20. 3 × 25. 4 cm).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSatin finish.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e1\/8″ (3. 2 mm) white border around the printed perimeter.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRemovable adhesive leaves no residue.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBubble-free and dishwasher-safe.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWater, scratch, and UV resistant.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePerfect for indoor and outdoor use.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from the US.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDisclaimers:. The vinyl is white and a transparent background isn't possible. The backing paper features a small barcode. Small details closer than 0. 3″ (8 mm) may be cut out as one shape. Due to printing technology, lighter color designs may appear with a grainy pattern. Orders with multiple stickers may be grouped on the same backing sheet. This product is made on demand. No minimums.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Kelly Grayson Author Store","offers":[{"title":"3″×4″","offer_id":44128999440420,"sku":"4751021_24971","price":2.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4″×6″","offer_id":44128999473188,"sku":"4751021_24972","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"6″×8″","offer_id":44128999505956,"sku":"4751021_24973","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"8″×10″","offer_id":44128999538724,"sku":"4751021_24974","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/0201\/0660\/files\/kiss-cut-vinyl-decals-satin-3x4-front-69f109b673f67.jpg?v=1777405107","url":"https:\/\/kelly-grayson-author-store.myshopify.com\/products\/battle-of-814-dont-scare-the-straights","provider":"Kelly Grayson Author Store","version":"1.0","type":"link"}